The final spin of the Carousel

Determination has taken a vacation
after giving the dog his bone,
reckless abandon was shot from a cannon
only to land in a field alone.
The liquid that dripped from the cup that was tipped
collects in a pool below,
Now who will drink from this tainted sink
where only fungus and mold will grow?
The carousel spins...
...always ending up at the end.
Wishes and dreams are dashed....
....here no one wins
the carousel spins....
....and my last tokens' been cashed.

Wither

I scratch away at the dried past, pulling the dead flakes of disillusionment away from the wiry remains of sanguinity. The darkness spreads from under my eyes, across my face and into my lungs like an army of mindless soldiers following command via telephone. The air dissolves, my skin then crawls, leaving me only with bones of contention.

Ode to Jones

The blistering tongue forming corruption filled phrases, the dead-eyed stare numbing the hundreds of gazes. Pounding fists shaking podiums while raving and ranting, rabid jaw clinching spewing hatred while panting. "Walk with me, I'm the sign of the ancient one's coming, I am the almighty this is why I'm not running. I will make sure you and your children are fed; I will assure you that your enemies will all soon be dead. I am your savior, your true God, your alter; kneel down before me for I shall not falter." Tipping back this cup of liquid I'll follow, as bodies fall down beside me I'll swallow. We drink this dream anonymously blending in with the heard, believing this angel's every smile, every word. Detatched are your eyes disguised behind glass, the darkening perception with each second that pass…. Bliss

I believe in Jones




So do I

Flat

Could it be that I've lost all of my direction?
Or could it be that I've just lost my connection, again?
I've taken all of my false ambition, and now I'm flat.
But I really don't expect you to understand any of that.
It's only when I'm there that I can bear,
all of the shit that you say.
And it's only when I'm numb I won't run,
Not today anyway.
Could it be that I've spent our last dollar?
Or could it be that it's feels too right for me to squander?
I've drained all of our connection now we're flat.
But I really don't expect you to understand any of that.
It's only when I'm there that I can bear,
all of the shit that you say.
And it's only when I'm numb I won't run,
Not today anyway.
Now you implore me to lift myself up beyond my means.
But you're whispering.
And then to push away from this mud that has a hold of me.
But you're still whispering.
It feels like I'm desperately dependant upon what I can't feel.
I can't remember how it feels not to pretend to be happy.

Vapor

I have melted into vapor, and begun counting the drops of my heavy liquid soul as it splinters the picture so carefully drawn out in sidewalk chalk. I slowly gather them all, cradled like broken glass in bleeding hands. My wings have been pulled from my shoulders with claws; my skin will be rationed to feed for this cause. The sick and the weak rely upon me, the poor and the meek that struggle to see, the whispers and screams penetrate dreams leaving echoes of footprints behind my closed eyes. Despite my thick shell, I somehow can tell, that you my love, have never looked so immensely beautiful.

We

I've stripped it away, and dare I say
“all that makes my life whole”.
I feel you close and love you the most;
from the beginning to the end of my soul.
I’m blistered from the mistaken one,
the one who carved me out hollow,
You say the words that sing like the birds,
soft spoken-an effortless follow.
The wound has since healed and now have revealed
You're you, my dancing angel.
I miss the small things hidden behind your wings
things that make life less painful.
I miss your glee, and never will see
that you're the angel that saved me from me,
Now that I’m whole please fill in my soul,
and again make me become we.
I love you…………….

The Predictable End

I stepped out onto the street today; the cool wind enveloped my face and hands. I ask, which direction to go, again you fail to answer. It seems to me that all roads end up at the same destination. Then why bother? I've been down them all, the journey never enjoyable, the path never smooth. All too easy just to turn and walk back in. Resign one's self to silky solitude where all is predictable. Perhaps this time will be different, maybe this time I'll stumble upon an epiphany. Either way, I guess it's the experience that defines us.

Dream of the Dead

Last night I had a dream, every inch of the sky was blood red and every living thing was dead. I was only me, resting against a dead tree, feeling quite simply at peace. Then I recall flying over it all, the dried oceans, cracking landscape dim. With a tilt of my head, I flew into the dead shattering the mirror divide. The fragments of glass embed my eyes as I pass darkening the beauty I view. Now I’m alone, dead kingdom, dead throne, and I woke up to realize it’s true.

My Daughter and Her Shadow

My daughter is a lot like me. She has always been very much like me. I’ll give you an example; when I was 11 years old I lived in Golden Valley Arizona, and at the time it wasn’t much more than miles upon miles of sand, cactus, and Mojave rattlesnakes. My father worked at a casino in Laughlin Nevada and during the summer months he would usually leave before I woke up and wouldn’t arrive home again until long after I fell asleep. With our closest neighbor about 2 miles away, I felt quite alone and overwhelmingly isolated. It was around this time that my mind began to turn on me. I developed what I refer to as “my shadow”. My shadow likes to play games with me. At 11, my shadow convinced me that my father wouldn’t be coming home.. I was certain that he would be killed in an auto accident while heading back home. My shadow filled me with constant worry and perpetual anxiety, I would sit at my bedroom window waiting for Dad to come home, all-the-while knowing deep down that he would not. Out in the desert, you can see the flicker of headlights from miles away. The dull glow of headlights, mixed with desert dust, mixed with hope, leading to disappointment, desperation, and despair as each car passes.

Today, my daughter is just like me.


Ashlyn is a quiet young lady. She’s very much lost in thought constantly, and I always find myself asking her what is going on in her head. Although she usually replies with a shoulder shrug, or by saying “Nothing Daddy”, last week she felt like sharing.

I asked her “What’cha thinking about kiddo?” and she began to tear up. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “I’m nervous about a couple of things Daddy”. “Oh yeah? Anything you care to discuss? I’m a pretty good listener.” I told her. “Can we go in the other room?” she asked. “Yes ma’am”. “Daddy, I’m worried….” she said. “Okay, what’s on your mind?” I asked. She looked up at me on the verge of tears and said “2012... Do you think we’re all going to die?”. I told her that I didn’t believe in that ‘whoo haa’ and that she should be concerned with that. I let her know that good or bad, she should try not to burden herself with things she has no control over. We talked a while about the Mayan Calendar, what is known about the Mayan people, and the mysteries surrounding their disappearance. This sort of calmed her down, I explained to her that no one is able to predict the future.

Then came a statement I’ll never forget. She told me that she was also concerned because her mom had bought her “a surprise” and she asked me “What if it’s a gun?”. Yup.. She told be that she was worried that her mother bought her a gun.

I spent the rest of the night teaching her about the shadow, teaching her things that she can do to quiet the shadow. I hope she fairs better that I have.

She’s just like me.

Dear God

Dear God,


Fuck you.


There, now I feel better.

P.S. Pick on someone else for a change.


Regards………

Blissful Purging Peeling

Tearing the meaning in two like my heart,
Then pushing together pieces apart.
Melting the moments frozen by time,
Pooling the memories forming a line.

Blissful wind carrying my soul like a stone,
Purging the feeling of breathing alone,
Peeling the skin from between my whole halves,
Hidden away inside thinly veiled laughs.

Pushing me out again,
Pulling me in and then,
Saying I’m worthy of
Your gift of empty love.

Sending me off to rot,
Carving me out a spot,
Burning my blisters clean,
Holding me in between.

Languidly laying beneath the love,
Offered to you as you offer a shrug.
Tonguing the sours that you’ve left behind,
Licking clean wounds perforated by time.

Equating the distance between you and I,
Compounding the listless feeling of why.
Adding the purpose I hoped you would bring,
Subtracting the union by subtracting the ring.

ZEITGEIST: MOVING FORWARD | OFFICIAL RELEASE | 2011

Target Ain't People

Farewell

Would you believe me if I whispered the truth to you?
Would you deny me if I carried a lie?
In and out of our lives we fall,
I’m vacant between the moments you call,
Feathers ands heathers I gather them all,
I can’t seem to bid you farewell.

I’m learning to lean into the red,
I’ve painted your eyes in lies and bled
Twisting the meaning of all that you said
This fracturing feeling… farewell.